READ if you’re so exhausted trying to find “the one”

Do you ever wish you could bake your partner?

And if you thought, yes, I would love to put them all into an oven and cook them alive…some real wisdom could come from diving into that anger.  And admittedly, as I sit and write this, I feel enough anger to put some of my exes into an oven, too.  Energy cleansing is in order.  That, or a big nap.  

But what I REALLY mean, is…do you ever wish you could take a little bit of one person, a lot of another, and a few sprinkles of the one who got away, a dash of your summer fling, the sweetness of your middle school crush, until you make one giant perfect cake of a partner??

While some people might look at their partners and know they’ve hit the jackpot, something I always go back to is…do they REALLY surpass all your other partners?  Do all their qualities really mix better with yours than any other partner?  Every little detail??

I’m skeptical if I’m being honest.  It IS absolutely human to always miss certain qualities of your exes.  It just is.  I might be proven wrong when I commit to the person to share my life with, but I’m not sure one person could really override the little beauties of your other relationships.

Then my mind wanders…is it really FOREVER, or just one person to commit to for a phase of life?

And while I type THAT - the relationship guru in me knows that we are safe on our own, and will always be safe with or without a partner…if our partner leaves us…if we choose to leave our partner.  HOWEVER.  Is it wrong to want to have that safety and build that partnership with one person and build an incredible life with them until the end of our days?

I suppose the synchronicities and surprises of life make it better than our whole idea of what we think we want.

Sometimes the discouragement gets so heavy after so many times of thinking you might have found the one that is ready to do it all with you…yet still something ends up breaking down.  And while you can be thankful for the awareness that each relationship brought you, it still gets a little lonely sometimes without another by your side.  

So what if we could THROW DOWN in the kitchen, and bake like those stupid movies that seem to have a flour fiesta all over everyone’s faces and make THE PARTNER out of all the pieces of hope we’ve seen throughout the ones we’ve known in our past? It’s like we already know the perfect one in a sense - they’ve shown a little bit of their face in every love.

And in writing this, I am reminded that baking a partner could keep me from meeting a person better than I could have cooked up on my own.  That concoction of a partner would probably not challenge me like those real-life humans could, so I wouldn’t be growing nearly as much.  Furthermore, that “perfect” partner would come from a place of tiredness, impatience, and want for control.  And that’s simply not the energy I want to bring into my *forever* partnership.

So yes.  In theory, I would love to take my young love’s sweetness and devotion, my college love’s charisma, drive, and brilliance, my love from the work exchange I did in Costa Rica’s gentlemanliness and charm, and my first real adult & emotionally vulnerable love’s passion, grit, voice, and ability to make me LAUGH, and bake one perfect partner.  And in recalling, and loving, and seeing these qualities, I actually realize I AM THE CAKE (!!!!).  What you see in another is what lives in you, and as you experience these qualities through each other, you’re sprinkling in that new seasoning, and activating the more flavorful (aware) version of what it means to be you. I’ve been baking this whole damn time.

And I suppose the true beauty is choosing one of these perfectly imperfect beings, and loving them BECAUSE they can’t be everything for you.  But they CAN support you in being everything for yourself, and in turn, build a solid foundation for and with each other.  And that’s that organic shit.

Happy farming, then, xo.